Funny jokes for programmers and geeks

Last update: Tue 16 Aug 2016 04:39:46 PM CEST

Here you find a collection of jokes for programmers and geeks..

  • I'm not interrupting you, I'm putting our conversation in full-duplex mode.

  • How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's a hardware problem.

  • A logician tells a colleague his wife just had a baby. Is it a boy or a girl? Yes

  • If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0.

  • RAM disk is not an installation procedure.

  • Uh, young webmaster... java leads to shockwave. Shockwave leads to RealAudio. And RealAudio leads to suffering.

  • C++ is a write-only language. I can write programs in C++, but I can't read any of them.

  • Hey! It compiles! Ship it!

  • Have you heard about the new super computer? It's so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.

  • The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

  • How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo which says ""lather, rinse, repeat.

  • The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.

  • I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

  • What do you call a computer scientist? It doesn't matter what you call him. He's too involved with the computer to come anyway.

  • Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

  • What do Unix sysadmins do when they're horny? Mount a file system.

  • What's the difference between a computer and a woman? A computer will accept a 3,5" floppy.

  • Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, All my base belongs to you.

  • I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly.

  • My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

  • The box said "Requires Windows 95 or better". So I installed LINUX.

  • You know it's love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead.

  • Warning! Buffer overflow, close the tumbler!

  • Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

  • Bad or corrupt header, go get a haircut.

  • Unrecognized input, get out of the class.

  • Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

  • Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

  • The beginning of the programmer's wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run and having a runnable program.

  • Squash one bug, you'll see ten new bugs popping.

  • LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses.

  • Best file compression around: "rm *.*" = 100% compression.

  • CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?

  • The name is Baud......James Baud

  • BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

  • There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

  • In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

  • A couple of programmers lay in a bed. She: "Do you want to repeat the procedure?" He: "Function has not returned the value."

  • (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza

  • A typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(8595959)

  • Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.

  • An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks "may I join you?"

  • Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
    The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67dfldksfkd###___dfoecdcdcdcdcdcdcdcd"
    "Please excuse my friend," the second string says. "He isn't null-terminated."

  • God is real, unless declared integer.

  • If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery.

  • Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle.

  • Perl, the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption.

  • You sir, are an unknown USB device driver.

  • Girls are like an internet virus: They enter your life, Scan your pockets, Transfer your money, Edit your mind, Download their problems and Delete your smile.

  • C isn't that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void.

  • The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!" The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."

  • The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword and usually, the programmer.

  • Every program is either trivial or it contains at least one bug.

  • There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies and benchmarks.

  • Bugs come in through open Windows.

  • Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.


 

You know another cool joke or something to smile about? Just write a comment...

Comments 2

Peter (Tue 04 Jun 2013 - 12:04:57 AM CEST)
How do you tell an introverted computer scientist from an extroverted computer scientist?
An extroverted computer scientist looks at your shoes when he talks to you.
Fred (Mon 03 Dec 2018 - 04:21:59 PM CET)
Finding bugs in code is interesting but only when some other engineer does that.

 

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