Funny jokes for programmers and geeks

Last update: Tue 16 Aug 2016 04:39:46 PM CEST

Here you find a collection of jokes for programmers and geeks..

  • I'm not interrupting you, I'm putting our conversation in full-duplex mode.

  • How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's a hardware problem.

  • A logician tells a colleague his wife just had a baby. Is it a boy or a girl? Yes

  • If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0.

  • RAM disk is not an installation procedure.

  • Uh, young webmaster... java leads to shockwave. Shockwave leads to RealAudio. And RealAudio leads to suffering.

  • C++ is a write-only language. I can write programs in C++, but I can't read any of them.

  • Hey! It compiles! Ship it!

  • Have you heard about the new super computer? It's so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.

  • The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

  • How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo which says ""lather, rinse, repeat.

  • The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.

  • I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

  • What do you call a computer scientist? It doesn't matter what you call him. He's too involved with the computer to come anyway.

  • Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

  • What do Unix sysadmins do when they're horny? Mount a file system.

  • What's the difference between a computer and a woman? A computer will accept a 3,5" floppy.

  • Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, All my base belongs to you.

  • I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly.

  • My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

  • The box said "Requires Windows 95 or better". So I installed LINUX.

  • You know it's love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead.

  • Warning! Buffer overflow, close the tumbler!

  • Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

  • Bad or corrupt header, go get a haircut.

  • Unrecognized input, get out of the class.

  • Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

  • Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

  • The beginning of the programmer's wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run and having a runnable program.

  • Squash one bug, you'll see ten new bugs popping.

  • LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses.

  • Best file compression around: "rm *.*" = 100% compression.

  • CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?

  • The name is Baud......James Baud

  • BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

  • There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

  • In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

  • A couple of programmers lay in a bed. She: "Do you want to repeat the procedure?" He: "Function has not returned the value."

  • (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza

  • A typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(8595959)

  • Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.

  • An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks "may I join you?"

  • Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
    The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67dfldksfkd###___dfoecdcdcdcdcdcdcdcd"
    "Please excuse my friend," the second string says. "He isn't null-terminated."

  • God is real, unless declared integer.

  • If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery.

  • Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle.

  • Perl, the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption.

  • You sir, are an unknown USB device driver.

  • Girls are like an internet virus: They enter your life, Scan your pockets, Transfer your money, Edit your mind, Download their problems and Delete your smile.

  • C isn't that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void.

  • The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!" The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."

  • The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword and usually, the programmer.

  • Every program is either trivial or it contains at least one bug.

  • There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies and benchmarks.

  • Bugs come in through open Windows.

  • Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.


 

You know another cool joke or something to smile about? Just write a comment...

Comments 1

Peter (Tue 04 Jun 2013 - 12:04:57 AM CEST)
How do you tell an introverted computer scientist from an extroverted computer scientist?
An extroverted computer scientist looks at your shoes when he talks to you.

 

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