Here are some funny, witty Halloween jokes. Do you like the festivals, costume parties, ghost tours and carving pumpkins? If so, use these Halloween jokes to make you and your friends laugh!
How do monsters tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
What do skeletons always order at a restaurant? Spare ribs!
What does Mrs. Ghost serve for dessert? Ice scream.
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it's Halloween.
Why did the skeleton climb a tree? Because a dog was after its bones.
Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec.
What is a vampires favorite holiday? Fangsgiving.
What did one ghost say to the other ghost? "Do you believe in people?"
Monster: It is a very hot day today! Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade? Monster: Yes! Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
Knock, Knock. Who's there? Phillip! Phillip who? Phillip my bag with candy!
Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
What do ghosts add to their morning cereal? Booberries.
What did the mother ghost say her children? "Don't spook until you're spooken to."
What do birds give out on Halloween night? Tweets.
How do witches keep their hair in place while flying? With scare spray.
What do fishermen say on Halloween? "Trick-or-trout!"
What did Dracula say when he kissed his vampire girlfriend? Ouch.
Kelly came up to a boy with a sheet over his head on Halloween and asked, "Are you a ghost?" The boy replied, "No, of course not! I'm an unmade bed!"
What does a child monster call his parents? Mummy and Deady.
What do you call a skeleton stone age family? The Flintbones.
What do skeletons say before eating? Bone Appetit.
A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, "Aren't you a little late?"
Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town? Because they don't have any body to go out with.
Why couldn't the ghost see its mom and dad? Because they were trans-parents!
What is a vampire's favorite sport? Casketball.
What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee? A boo boo.
Why was the boy unhappy to win the prize for the best costume at the Halloween party? Because he just came to pick up his little sister.
What would a monster's psychiatrist be called? Shrinkenstein.
What is a goblin's favorite cheese? Monster-ella!
Where do ghosts go swimming? The dead sea.
What do you call a dead chicken that likes to scare people? A Poultrygeist.
What's a ghost's favorite room? The living room!
What is a baby ghost's favorite game? Peekaboo.
Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? They're too wrapped up in themselves.
What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation? A scareplane.
What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation? A blood vessel.
Knock, knock Who's there? Wolves say Wolves say who? Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!
What type of dog do vampire's like the best? Bloodhounds.
What is a ghoul's favorite flavor? Lemon-slime.
Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?" "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument? A trombone.
Doctor, doctor, I'm so ugly. What can I do about it? Hire yourself out for Halloween parties.
What do you get when you goose a ghost? A handful of sheet.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-boo.
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death - we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing here so late at night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? At bootiques.
What kind of pants do ghosts wear? Boojeans.
It was Halloween and three vampires went into a saloon and walked up to the bar. "What will you have?" the bartender asked. "I'll have a glass of blood," the first replied. "Same for me," said the second. "I'll have a glass of plasma," said the third. "OK, let me get this straight," the bartender said. "That'll be two bloods and a blood light?"
What kind of spirits serve food on a plane? Airline ghostesses.
Have a happy Halloween and feel free to write any comments.