Computer and Internet jokes

Last update: Tue 16 Aug 2016 04:39:47 PM CEST

Here you find a collection of funny jokes about computing and the Internet.

  • What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? The car salesman can probably drive!

  • If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, you'll be fat and useless when you grow up. Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!

  • What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address? Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.

  • Who's the chief of the internet? E-ronimo!

  • What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? An URLologist.

  • Tech Support: "What does the screen say now.."
    Person: "It says, Hit ENTER when ready."
    Tech Support: "Well?"
    Person: "How do I know when it's ready?"

  • Computers can never replace human stupidity.

  • My dog likes to sit down each evening and surf the Net. What an intelligent animal! Not really, it took the cat three weeks to teach him.

  • A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman: "I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen." The surprised salesman replies: "But, madam, computers do not have curtains..." And the blonde said: "Helloooo. I've got Windows!"

  • Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

  • Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?

  • I survived an NT installation.

  • Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button.

  • Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates!

  • What do miniskirts and hard disks have in common? Access time.

  • A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

  • A doctor, a civil engineer and a programmer are discussing whose profession is the oldest. "Surely medicine is the oldest profession," says the doctor. "God took a rib from Adam and created Eve and if this isn't medicine I'll be..." The civil engineer breaks in: "But before that He created the heavens and the earth from chaos. Now that's civil engineering to me." The programmer thinks a bit and then says: "And who do you think created chaos?"

  • Graphic Card Not Found. Please click CANCEL to continue.

  • They say that if you have an infinite number of monkeys typing at an infinite number of keyboards for an infinite period of time, you will get the collected works of Shakespeare. If you get the source code to Microsoft Windows, you need to add more monkeys.

  • The truth is out there...anybody got the URL?

  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic?

  • As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.

  • Earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can.

  • Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

  • COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key.

  • WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER

  • Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

  • Hackers in Hollywood movies are phenomenal. All they need to do is "c:\> hack into fbi"

  • Memory was something you lost with age
    An application was for employment
    A program was a TV show
    A cursor used profanity
    A keyboard was a piano
    A web was a spider's home
    A virus was the flu
    A hard drive was a long trip on the road
    A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

  • Harris: "How's your history paper coming?" Steven: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it's been very helpful." Harris: "Really?" Steven: "Yes! I've already located 20 people who sell the papers."

  • Fred wanted to become a great writer, a writer who will write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger, abuse, and write criticizing him. He has become error messages writer for Microsoft.

  • You have successfully logged in, Now press any key to log out.

  • Helpdesk: "Sir, you need to add 10GB space to your HD." Customer: "Could you please tell where I can download that?"

  • We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

  • Customer: "How much does Windows 10 cost?" Tech Support: "Windows costs about $300". Customer: "Hui, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"


 

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