Looking for funny wise sayings, clever wisdom quotes and humorous life advice? This collection brings together witty thoughts about life, work, success, people, money, technology and everyday nonsense. Whether you need a smart quote for a message, a funny saying for social media or a wise line that makes people smile, you will find plenty of inspiration here.
These funny wise sayings about life prove that wisdom does not always have to sound serious; sometimes the smartest advice comes with a laugh.
Life is complicated enough, so these short and clever sayings explain it with humor, irony and a little bit of common sense.
Everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end.
It's not true that life is one damn thing after another. It's the same damn thing over and over.
When life gives you lemons make ice tea and laugh at the people trying to figure out how the hell you did it.
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
The other line moves faster.
Dream as if you'll live forever; Live as if you'll die today.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years.
Don't tell me the sky's my limit when there are footprints on the moon.
Life is like a camera: focus on the good, delete the bad, and hope nobody sees the blurry parts.
The secret of life is balance: one cup of coffee for your dreams and one nap for your reality.
If life closes a door, check whether you were supposed to pull instead of push.
Some days you are the pigeon, some days you are the freshly washed car.
Life has no remote control. Get up and change it yourself, preferably after breakfast.
Every cloud has a silver lining, but some clouds are just badly organized rain.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
If your ship does not come in, swim out to it. Or at least wave dramatically.
The road to success is always under construction, usually with confusing signs.
When nothing goes right, go left and pretend it was the plan.
These funny wisdom quotes about work and success are perfect for anyone who knows that ambition, experience and coffee often travel together.
From office wisdom to clever quotes about mistakes, these sayings show that success is easier to understand when you can laugh at the process.
In theory, there's no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Work eight hours and sleep eight hours and make sure they are not the same eight hours.
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
There are two rules for success: 1. Never tell everything you know.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Lazy people work harder.
One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Success is 10 percent inspiration, 90 percent pretending you know what you are doing.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance without a meeting first?
A deadline is just inspiration wearing a scary hat.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
The reward for good work is usually more work.
A mistake is proof that you tried, unless it was in accounting.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
Success comes before work only in the dictionary and in very suspicious business plans.
Experience teaches slowly because it gives the test before the lesson.
These funny sayings about people, friendship and relationships mix sharp observation with humorous advice for dealing with the humans around us.
People are wonderful, confusing and occasionally impossible, which makes them the perfect topic for funny wisdom quotes.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too.
Better to not speak and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt.
If we all are here to help others, then what exactly are others here for?
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Differences are good. If two people agree, one of them is redundant.
Silence and smile are two powerful words. Smile is the way to solve many problems and Silence is the way to avoid many problems.
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
The only way to have a friend is to be one.
Defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies.
A diplomat is one who thinks twice before saying nothing.
Half the people you know are below average.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
People say nothing is impossible, but some people do it every day before lunch.
A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg, even when you are slightly cracked.
Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and bring snacks.
Some people brighten a room by entering it, others by leaving it.
Friends are like Wi-Fi: invisible, important and sometimes unavailable when you need them most.
Honesty is the best policy, unless the question is about a haircut.
Never test the depth of someone else's patience with both feet.
A good listener is usually thinking about dinner.
The best way to remember someone's name is to owe them money.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most rarely use it.
These clever quotes about knowledge, computers and common sense are ideal for readers who enjoy intelligent humor with a nerdy twist.
From artificial intelligence to everyday misunderstandings, these smart sayings prove that knowledge is powerful, but confusion is often faster.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Be incomprehensible. If they can't understand you, they can't disagree with you.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window.
A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.
You never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak.
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
To err is human. To really mess things up, you need a computer.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The internet is proof that everyone can speak, but not everyone should press send.
A password is like underwear: change it often and do not share it with strangers.
Common sense is not a download, although many people seem to be waiting for the update.
Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is knowing where you left your coffee.
The more I learn, the more I realize my browser has too many tabs open.
A clever person solves a problem. A wise person reads the manual before breaking it.
Technology saves time, then helps us waste it more efficiently.
If your computer asks you a question, it already knows you made a mistake.
These humorous everyday wisdom quotes turn simple things like food, money, cleaning and daily decisions into clever little life lessons.
Everyday life is full of small problems, strange habits and surprisingly useful wisdom, especially when cookies, money and onions are involved.
A billion Chinese can't be wrong: eat rice.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everyone away.
A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
If the baby is happy, don't try to make it happier.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Some people call it multitasking. I call it doing many things badly at once.
Money cannot buy happiness, but it can buy pizza, which is suspiciously close.
Cleaning the house while children are growing is like brushing your teeth while eating cookies.
Never go shopping when you are hungry, angry or in possession of a credit card.
A full fridge is a beautiful thing until you have to decide what to cook.
Saving money is easy if you simply avoid shops, hobbies and being awake.
Home is where you can say anything, because nobody is listening anyway.
Never judge a book by its cover, unless it says "assembly instructions".
The best things in life are free, but the shipping is usually expensive.
If breakfast is the most important meal of the day, cake deserves more respect.
Here are more funny wisdom quotes and clever sayings for anyone who enjoys smart humor, ironic advice and memorable one-liners.
These additional funny wise sayings are great for messages, greeting cards, social media captions or simply for making everyday wisdom a little less boring.
A wise person learns from the mistakes of others. A normal person checks if the stove is hot.
If wisdom came with age, every old cheese would be a philosopher.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid completely.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step and usually a forgotten phone charger.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them with confidence.
Patience is a virtue, but sometimes sarcasm gets faster results.
A wise man changes his mind. A stubborn man changes the subject.
Do not follow your dreams too closely. They may need personal space.
The best advice is often ignored, especially when it is free.
Wisdom is knowing when to speak. Experience is knowing when to leave the room.
Whether you prefer funny wise sayings, clever wisdom quotes, humorous life advice or witty one-liners, this collection shows that wisdom can be smart, useful and entertaining at the same time. Share your favorite quote with friends, use it as a funny status message or keep it as a reminder that life is easier when you do not take every lesson too seriously.
Do you know another funny wise saying, a clever wisdom quote or a new piece of humorous advice? Feel free to write a comment and share your smartest laugh with everyone.