Funny wise quotes, funny wisdom sayings

Last update: Tue 16 Aug 2016 04:39:48 PM CEST

Here you find a collection of the best wise sayings, funny quotations of advice and wisdom.

  • A billion Chinese can't be wrong: eat rice.

  • In theory, there's no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

  • Everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end.

  • Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

  • It's not true that life is one damn thing after another. It's the same damn thing over and over.

  • Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak.

  • When life gives you lemons make ice tea and laugh at the people trying to figure out how the hell you did it.

  • Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too.

  • Better to not speak and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt.

  • I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

  • Be incomprehensible. If they can't understand you, they can't disagree with you.

  • Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

  • Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

  • No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.

  • The other line moves faster.

  • I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

  • A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

  • There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

  • Dream as if you'll live forever; Live as if you'll die today.

  • If we all are here to help others, then what exactly are others here for?

  • The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

  • If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

  • Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.

  • When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

  • Work eight hours and sleep eight hours and make sure they are not the same eight hours.

  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

  • Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window.

  • A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.

  • Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

  • Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

  • Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years.

  • If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

  • A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

  • One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.

  • Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

  • No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

  • Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

  • Before I speak, I have something important to say.

  • If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

  • A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

  • There are two rules for success: 1. Never tell everything you know.

  • Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

  • Differences are good. If two people agree, one of them is redundant.

  • Silence and smile are two powerful words. Smile is the way to solve many problems and Silence is the way to avoid many problems.

  • You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

  • On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

  • A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

  • A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.

  • The only way to have a friend is to be one.

  • If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

  • An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everyone away.

  • Defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies.

  • Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

  • A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

  • If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

  • A diplomat is one who thinks twice before saying nothing.

  • Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

  • Half the people you know are below average.

  • If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.


You know other wise saying or wisdom quote? Or new funny advices? Just feel free to write a comment...

Comments 4

DavidMan (Fri 05 Apr 2013 - 01:32:17 PM CEST)
Some real cool wise sayings :)
DavidMan (Fri 05 Apr 2013 - 02:19:27 PM CEST)
Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

You never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

Lazy people work harder.

If the baby is happy, don't try to make it happier.
Michael (Wed 22 May 2013 - 03:19:07 PM CEST)
This sayings are mazing
Franklyn Ezeocha (Wed 10 Jul 2013 - 11:21:38 PM CEST)
Dont tell me the sky is my Limit when there are foot prints on the moon.


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