Looking for the best weather jokes, funny weather puns, rain jokes, and sunshine one-liners? On this page you will find a big English collection of weather jokes about rain, storms, meteorologists, bad forecasts, summer heat, and all four seasons. Whether the sky is gray, the forecast is wrong again, or the sun is melting your patience, these funny weather jokes are here to brighten the day. You will also find plenty of heat jokes and sun jokes for those extra hot days.
If you love clever wordplay, rainy-day humor, and jokes about hopeless forecasts, this weather joke collection is the perfect climate for laughter.
The weather changes every five minutes, which is exactly why general weather jokes never go out of season.
That was a lovely summer last year. It fell on a Wednesday.
I called the weather office and said, “Your light cloud cover is currently being pumped out of my basement by the fire department!”
The computer responsible for summer weather got infected by a virus: a so-called rain worm.
Meteorologists should really be called meteoro-liars.
“I read it is supposed to be 17 degrees tomorrow... I almost dropped my mulled wine from excitement.”
A joke about the four seasons: spring, mistake, autumn, and winter.
What annoys me most about rain is its attitude: always looking down on you.
This summer is basically a marketing campaign for outdoor jackets.
The weather report is a report that is occasionally corrected by the weather itself.
What do you call the day after two rainy days? Monday.
Summer only really begins when the train air-conditioning breaks down and bikinis get smaller than their price tags.
Last Father’s Day the weather was fantastic: the sky and I were both blue all day.
Funny sentence from a student essay: “The flood from last summer is still on everybody’s lips.”
For decades parents have told their children, “Finish your plate and the weather will be nice!” And what did we get? Overfed kids and global warming.
This summer is so bad that even the sun is trying to sneak away.
One good thing about cold, wet weather: if we air out the bedroom long enough, the dust mites die of pneumonia.
The weather is acting so moody right now, it clearly is not made by Peter but by Petra.
Two zeros are walking through a swimming pool in midsummer and meet an eight. Says one zero to the other: “Wow, in this heat and with a belt!”
How can you tell summer is coming? The rain gets warmer.
Warning label on the product “British Summer”: “May contain traces of sunshine.”
Because of a strike at the meteorological institute, there will be no weather tomorrow.
What bothers me about this summer is not the weather itself, but the fear that “Last Christmas” could start playing on the radio at any moment.
I am ready for whatever comes next: I ordered a turtleneck bikini and fleece-lined flip-flops.
Little Anna wakes her father and asks, “What kind of weather do we have today?” He replies, “I don’t know, you can’t see it because of all the fog.”
Even a patron of umbrellas can still get soaked.
As a cause of the accident, the police identified a combination of aquavit and aquaplaning.
What do men and the weather have in common? It is impossible to change either of them.
The weather today has more plot twists than a detective series.
I do not need a mood ring. I just look out of the window.
The sky looked dramatic this morning, so naturally nothing happened.
My weather app and my ex have one thing in common: both promised sunshine and delivered chaos.
The forecast said “partly cloudy,” which turned out to mean “fully disappointing.”
Some people follow fashion trends. I follow cloud movements.
The weather is the only thing that can ruin a picnic and still pretend it is natural.
I love surprise weather. Mostly because it keeps surprising me in the worst possible way.
When the sky turns gray and the wind gets rude, bad weather jokes are the best umbrella for your mood.
Funny quote: “I am happy when it rains, because if I am not happy, it still rains.”
Everybody talks about the weather, and summer says, “April Fool’s!”
A prisoner is being led to the gallows by a priest. It is pouring rain and the priest is holding the umbrella. Says the prisoner, “Terrible weather, Father.” The priest replies, “You are lucky. You only have to go there. I have to walk back too.”
Summer is not found in your country. Please try Spain.
The best thing about winter is that you can afford to slip up once in a while.
Weather announcement: Would little November please be picked up from May?
A passerby asks another, “Excuse me, if I take this road, will I get to the weather office?” — “Most likely.”
Spring is like a real estate agent: it briefly shows you how nice things could be, then just keeps annoying you.
And the award for best actor goes to... Spring, for its role as Winter.
The most dangerous season of the year is summer: the sun stabs, the lettuce shoots, the trees lash out, and the lawn gets sprayed.
The outraged husband says, “In weather like this I am supposed to go shopping? You wouldn’t send a dog outside!” His wife replies, “I didn’t say you had to take the dog with you.”
Thanks to huge demand in light gray, spring is now also available in dark gray.
After sports I do not need a shower. I can just stand on the lawn.
North Sea weather forecast: if you can see the sea, it is about to rain. If you cannot see the sea, it is already raining.
Everybody makes jokes about the weather, but nobody takes it with humor.
What do clouds and men have in common? When they clear off, it can still turn into a nice day.
Real courage is going outside without an umbrella when the forecast promised nice weather.
The command “White Christmas” threatens snow for December 24.
Stewardess announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Hamburg, where the weather is cold, awful, and uncomfortable — just like my ex-husband.”
Bad weather forecasts are more reliable than good weather forecasts.
And now the weather: isolated population increases during the night.
At the construction site the lazy foreman asks his crew, “Do you see that vermin over there on the scaffolding?” — “No.” — “Very good, then we are calling it a day because of poor visibility.”
“You alone are responsible for this awful weather!” — “Why?” — “Because you keep lying the blue right out of the sky!”
Two frogs are sitting on a lily pad. Suddenly it starts raining. Says one frog to the other, “Let’s jump into the water before we get wet.”
Funny definition: What is wind? Air that is in a hurry.
The weather is like recycled paper today: gray, gray, gray.
A pair of birds arrives in Germany and has chicks after the first summer. Says the mother bird, “I think it would make more sense to teach the little ones how to swim first.”
Two golfers are playing in wind and rain. Says one, “Can you believe my wife actually asked if I could help in the garden?” The other replies, “In weather like this?”
The Germans have six months of winter and six months of no summer.
The nicest weather is useless if it rains.
The weather is usually outside.
Germany is not a banana republic. The weather is too bad for that.
The bristly pig is outraged: the storm ruined its hairstyle.
“How did you find the weather today?” — “Very easily. I stepped outside and there it was.”
What do you see when you stand on the Eiffel Tower in the rain? Lots of wet Parisians.
What does a cloud do when it itches? It looks for a skyscraper.
I do not mind gloomy weather. I just wish it would commit to one shade of gray.
The wind today is giving free hairstyle experiments to everybody.
The rain was so horizontal it felt personal.
Stormy weather is nature’s way of reminding umbrellas who is really in charge.
My umbrella did not flip inside out. It expressed its emotions.
Rainy days are proof that the sky also has unfinished business.
The sidewalk was so slippery even my dignity fell over.
If bad weather built character, I would be a legend by now.
The wind outside sounds like it is arguing with the entire neighborhood.
I checked the forecast and it said, “Stay home.”
If wrong predictions were an art form, meteorologists would already have their own award ceremony.
Quote on weather: unsuccessful fortune tellers can still apply to become meteorologists.
The TV meteorologists want more money. The director says, “Then the weather reports will be shortened and the best episodes repeated.”
“I never trust weather forecasts, they are always wrong!” — “Well, the forecasts are always correct. Meteorologists just struggle a little with the date.”
Two computer scientists are talking on the phone: “What is the weather like where you are?” — “Caps Lock.” — “What?” — “Shift without end!”
If economic experts predicted the weather — and meteorologists predicted the economy — would we actually be worse off?
An economist’s weather joke: this spring has lost its AAA rating. The weather responded with a sharp drop in temperature.
“During the day there will be heavy local precipitation,” predicts the meteorologist. His assistant studies the satellite images and asks, “How can you tell?” — “I forgot my umbrella and I’m invited to a garden party.”
“It is terrible. In my profession you never know what the next day will bring.” — “What do you do?” — “Meteorologist.”
The classic weather joke: “Dad, the barometer has fallen.” — “How far?” — “About four feet.”
Correctly written it should be: weather fore-saying.
The weather office has one big advantage: when they are wrong, they can always call it a change in conditions.
The forecast promised scattered sunshine. It forgot to mention the sunshine would be scattered across another country.
Meteorologists are the only people who can be wrong every day and still get invited back on television.
The weather app said “feels like 21.” It feels like betrayal.
I trust the forecast the way a cat trusts bath time.
The meteorologist said, “There is a 50 percent chance of rain.” Great, so half my picnic is ruined.
Forecasts are just spoilers written by people who have not seen the ending yet.
My favorite part of the weather report is the confidence.
Some forecasts are less prediction and more optimistic fiction.
The weather channel should come with a plot twist warning.
My app said “sunny intervals.” Apparently the interval was three minutes.
The forecast was so wrong even the clouds looked confused.
Meteorology: the science of explaining tomorrow why today was different.
The weather presenter smiled like he was not personally responsible.
From fake spring to endless winter, seasonal weather jokes are perfect for anyone who has ever worn a scarf in April.
“This spring was born in the body of an autumn.”
The moon says to the sun, “You are so lucky — tomorrow you are off again!”
Two sparrows meet. One asks, “What shall we do today?” The other says, “Let’s fly to the lake.” — “Where shall we meet?” — “At the big oak by the yacht club.” — “You go ahead, I still have something to do.” The first sparrow waits for three hours before the second arrives. “Where were you?” — “Well,” says his friend, “the weather was so lovely, I decided to walk.”
A snowman says to another, “You still owe me 100 euros!” The other replies, “Wait until July — then I will be liquid again.”
He drives with the windows closed even in the hottest weather so people think he has air-conditioning.
Spring seems to be pouring down.
The weather is becoming summery again! Great, that means I can roll the television back out onto the balcony tonight.
A football team is on a plane. Out of boredom the players start kicking a ball around in the cabin. The pilot can hardly control the aircraft and sends the radio operator to the back. Two minutes later there is absolute silence. “How did you manage that?” asks the pilot. “I told them: boys, the weather is lovely outside — go play in front of the door.”
Two angels are flying through the sky. One asks, “Do you know what the weather will be like tomorrow?” — “I think cloudy.” — “Wonderful, then we can finally sit down again.”
Two snowflakes are on their way to Earth. One says, “It is nice that it is so cold. I am going to land on a ski slope and spread joy!” The other says, “How boring. I am heading to Munich to cause traffic chaos.”
If the rooster crows while standing on the hen, that has nothing to do with the weather.
An old farmer’s rule: if the rooster crows today on the dung heap, the weather will change — or stay the same.
When winter and spring fight, April gets custody of the weather.
Spring is that lovely season when all four seasons take turns every afternoon.
Autumn is just summer wearing a dramatic scarf.
Winter is nature’s way of testing how badly you really need to leave the house.
Summer arrives the moment your fan starts sounding expensive.
Spring cleaning would be easier if spring could first clean up its own weather.
Autumn leaves fall with more grace than I do on icy sidewalks.
The first snow is magical. The second snow is paperwork.
Every season has its charm. Mine starts indoors.
April weather is what happens when the sky cannot make up its mind.
Winter coats are just portable optimism.
Sometimes the weather is not too cold or too wet — it is simply too hot. When the sun turns everything into a frying pan and even your shadow looks exhausted, it is time for funny heat jokes and summer sun one-liners.
These hot weather jokes bring the kind of summer humor that melts faster than ice cream on a sidewalk.
What a hot day with nonstop sunshine. I think I am about to change my state of matter.
Today I am wearing soft-serve ice cream and nothing else.
If the sun is blazing and the whole country is sweating: “If you are too hot, go sit in the fridge.”
What is a cookie under a tree? A shady snack.
It is so hot that I go into the sauna to cool down.
Why does a blonde take a car door into the desert? So she can roll down the window if she gets too hot.
“Mom, can I finally wear a bikini this summer?” — “No, Kevin!”
It is so hot, my phone asked for sunscreen.
Today the sun is working overtime and everybody else has already resigned.
I opened the freezer just to remember what hope feels like.
This heat is not weather anymore. It is a personal attack.
The ice cream did not melt — it gave up.
I am not sweating, I am leaking summer.
Even the shadows are looking for shade today.
It is so hot outside that the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
I wanted to make toast, but the sidewalk already volunteered.
The sun has only two settings: missing and aggressive.
This weather makes me want to refrigerate my entire personality.
It is so hot, my sunglasses started fogging from sympathy.
I tried to look cool in the heat. The heat declined.
Summer fitness tip: lift the fan closer to your face.
Hot weather is just winter’s revenge in reverse.
My plans for today are simple: survive until sunset.
Even the sunflowers look like they need a day off.
If you were searching for the funniest weather jokes in English, we hope this collection delivered plenty of laughs from drizzle to heatwave. Whether you prefer rain jokes, storm jokes, meteorologist jokes, winter jokes, or sunshine puns, the weather always gives us a new reason to laugh. Do you know more funny weather sayings, bad weather jokes, or hot weather one-liners that deserve a place here? Then leave a comment and share your best joke with us.