Fishing Jokes

On this page you will find a collection of the best fishing jokes and funny sayings about anglers and fishing.

• I don’t care who your father is — when I’m fishing, nobody walks on water here.

• A husband comes home and says, “Honey, I’m heading out again. I’m going fishing!” “I know,” replies his wife, “your bass called three times already.”

• Why do anglers need long arms? So they can show how big the fish was.

• A man at the fish counter says, “Please throw me two trout.” The clerk asks, “You really want me to throw them?” “Yes,” he says, “then I can tell my wife I caught them myself.”

• Two anglers sit by a pond. After two hours, one crosses his right leg over his left, and half an hour later switches back. The other one says, “Are we breakdancing, or are we fishing?”

• Why are fish so smart? Because they spend all day in schools.

• A woman walks up to an angler and asks, “So, are the fish biting today?” The angler replies, “No, you can go ahead and pet them.”

• The trout’s last words: “Everything’s fine... I’ll just take one more bite.”

• “Did you catch all the fish in that bucket by yourself?” “No, I had a worm helping me.”

• At a fishing exam, the examiner asks, “Can you name seven predatory fish?” The candidate replies, “Five pike and two perch.”

• One fish says to another, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

• Two fortune tellers meet while fishing. One says, “The fish are biting really well today.” “Yes,” nods the other, “just like in the summer of 2065.”

• What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.

• Why don’t fish play basketball? Because they’re afraid of the net.

• Why did the fisherman bring a piano to the lake? Because he wanted to catch some bass.

• Advertisement for a fly-fishing club course: “Learn how to fish with artificial flies — and make some reel friends!”

• “Can I dig for worms in your garden? I’ll give you a fish in return.” — “And what if nothing bites?” — “Then I’ll return your worms washed.”

• Two golfers come to a river in pouring rain. Upstream they see two anglers still fishing. One golfer says, “Look at those two idiots — fishing in this weather!”

• A cheapskate in a pet shop asks, “How much are the goldfish?” — “Ten dollars each.” — “And how much are the silverfish?”

• Two anglers sit by the river. One pulls out an old boot, the other pulls out a hat. “We should leave,” says one. “Someone must be living down there.”

• Of course fish can smell. Especially if they’ve been lying around too long.

• “Why are you setting the place settings so far apart?” asks the head waiter. “The fishing club is meeting tonight,” says the waitress. “They’ll need room for their hand gestures.”

• An angler sits by the pond, right where he has carefully baited the spot for days. Suddenly, a skinny dipper jumps into the water. “Careful!” shouts the angler. “The fish here bite even on the smallest worm!”

• On a freezing winter day, an angler sits by the lake with puffed-up cheeks.
  A passerby asks if he has toothache.
  “No,” says the angler, “but somehow I’ve got to thaw out the worms.”

• A law professor is fishing beside a sign that says “No Fishing.” A police officer asks, “By what right are you fishing here?” The professor replies, “By the superior power of the human intellect over an inferior animal creature.” The officer says, “Sorry, sir — nobody can know every law.”

• A passerby watches an angler for a while and says, “Nothing is more boring than fishing.” The angler replies, “Yes there is — watching someone else do it.”

• Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.

• In a small town, a fisherman pulled a wallet with over a thousand dollars out of the water. The story made the newspaper. The next day, over 200 fellow anglers asked what bait he had used.

• “Caught together, hooked together,” said the worm to the fish.

• A true animal lover never pets a fish against the scales.

• “Where have you been?” — “Fishing.” — “What did you catch?” — “Pike.” — “How many?” — “None.” — “Then how do you know it was pike?”

• The neglected wife of an angler asks in a perfume shop, “Do you have a fragrance that smells like trout?”

• Two goldfish are swimming in a bowl with very little water. Mrs. Goldfish says, “At this rate, your drinking is going to ruin us.”

• “Dad, do fish sleep too?” — “Of course. That’s what the riverbed is for.”

• What kind of music should you listen to while fishing? Something catchy.

• Why do fishermen make terrible bankers? Because they always lose interest.

• Why did the fisherman get kicked out of school? Because he was caught with tackle.

• An angler tells his friend, “Fishing relaxes me.” His friend looks at the tangled line, overturned bait box, and broken chair and says, “You must have been unbearable before.”

• Why are fishing stories so believable? Because every one of them starts with, “No kidding, this is absolutely true...”

• How do you make a fisherman tell the truth? Ask him how many fish he actually caught.

• What’s the difference between a fisherman and a magician? A magician pulls rabbits out of hats. A fisherman pulls lies out of lakes.

• A man proudly shows his wife a photo of a huge fish. She says, “Nice. Now show me the one you actually caught.”

• Why did the fish get bad grades? Because it was below sea level.

• Why do anglers always bring snacks? Because they know the fish won’t be biting when they get hungry.

• What’s an angler’s favorite instrument? The bass guitar.

• Why did the fisherman stare at the orange juice carton? Because it said “concentrate.”

• How do fishermen communicate? With drop lines.

• What do you call a lazy crayfish? A slobster.

• Why don’t fish ever do well in business? They keep getting caught in net losses.

• Why was the fishing trip so quiet? Because everybody was waiting for a reel conversation to start.

• One angler says, “I caught a fish this big!” The other says, “That’s nothing — the one I lost was even bigger.”

• What’s the easiest way to double your money while fishing? Fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

• Why are fish easy to weigh? Because they come with their own scales.

• My doctor told me I need more peace and quiet, so I went fishing. Now I have less peace, less quiet, and still no fish.

• An angler says, “Fishing is a great way to become one with nature.” His friend replies, “Especially when you fall into the lake.”

• What’s a fisherman’s favorite kind of movie? Anything with a good hook.

• Why did the fish avoid the internet? It didn’t want to get caught in the net.

• Why did the old fisherman smile at the storm clouds? Because finally the weather matched his luck.

• Fishing is like dating: sometimes you sit quietly for hours just to get ignored by something you were really excited about.

• An angler says, “I only tell two kinds of fishing stories: the believable ones and the true ones.”

• What’s the best thing about fishing jokes? Even the small ones turn into big ones by the time you get home.

Do you know more funny jokes about fishing? Feel free to leave a comment...

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