Craftsman jokes have always been a source of great entertainment! Whether on the construction site, in the workshop, or after work – funny jokes about bricklayers, electricians, painters, carpenters, and plumbers are guaranteed to make everyone smile. On this page you'll find a large collection of the best craftsman jokes and construction site gags – from short wordplays to longer, humorous stories. Enjoy reading, laughing, and sharing!
On this page you'll find a collection of jokes about craftsmen, construction workers, and funny stories from construction sites.
All trades are included, whether bricklayers, painters, electricians, or plumbers. Enjoy the laughs!
A retired man stops in front of a massive construction site and asks a worker: "How many men are working here?"
"Barely a third," the worker estimates.
What is electricity? Getting up in the morning under high tension, going to work with resistance, swimming against the current all day, coming home fully charged, touching the socket, and getting a shock!
Three craftsmen are arguing about which trade is the oldest. Each believes his is the most ancient. Says the bricklayer: I have the oldest trade, we bricklayers already built the pyramids in Egypt! The gardener replies: That's nothing. My trade is even older, we gardeners already planted the Garden of Eden! Says the electrician: Oh please! Electricians are the oldest: when God said let there be light, we had already laid the wiring beforehand.
Three construction workers are sitting on a roof frame during their lunch break. The first opens his sandwich and says: "Liverwurst again. The old lady never thinks of anything else." He throws it down.
The second construction worker says: "Brawn again. She just wants to annoy me." He throws his sandwich down too. The third construction worker throws his sandwich down without even looking at what's on it. "Why are you throwing your sandwich away without even checking?"
"Cheese again. I hate cheese!"
"How would you know?"
"Because I made it myself this morning!"
A gynecologist can no longer perform his job for some reason, retrains, and becomes a painter. At the end of the first working day, the boss calls the foreman and wants to know how the new painter did. Oh, said the foreman, the man is absolutely great. I sent him to Widow Mueller's place, but unfortunately she was briefly away and no one could open the door. So the guy painted the entire hallway through the mail slot!
We used to build bridges, now we sleep under them.
Two retired men are standing at a construction site. One asks: "Hey, those white things on the scaffolding – are they bricklayers or pigeons?" The other replies: "They're moving! Then they must be pigeons!"
The last words of an electrician: "All clear, you can switch it on!"
The oldest bricklayer joke: A bricklayer walks past a pub.
Two bricklayers are strolling across a meadow and find a half-full crate of beer. One bricklayer asks the other in amazement: "Wow, do you know who's building here?"
Saturday noon the boss arrives at the construction site: "Men, I have good news and bad news for you: The good news is, you don't have to work tomorrow. But you have to finish today."
What is the difference between a carpenter and wood? Wood works!
The last words of a gas pipe installer: "Got a light?"
What did the architect say at the start of construction of the Tower of Pisa? It'll all go crooked anyway!
How many men does it take to wallpaper a room? Depends on how thinly you slice them.
"Is this right?" asked the plumber. "There's supposed to be a burst pipe in this apartment?"
"Everything is fine here!" answered the housewife. "Strange! Don't the Kunzes live here?"
"The Kunzes? They moved away half a year ago!"
"Of course! First they call the repairmen, and then they move out in a hurry!"
A carpenter comes back from his vacation in France and tells his friend how intelligent the French are.
"Imagine, I meet a gorgeous French woman in a bar. I grab a napkin, draw a bottle and two glasses on it and slide it over to her."
"She immediately knew I wanted to invite her for a drink!"
"After we finished our drinks, I grab another napkin, this time draw a plate with cutlery on it and slide it over to her again."
"She immediately knew I wanted to invite her to dinner. We changed venues and had a wonderful dinner."
"After we finished eating, she grabs a napkin, draws a bed on it, and slides it over to me."
"She immediately knew I was a carpenter!"
A doctor has his driveway re-paved. When the workers are done, they sprinkle sand over the newly laid stones to fill the joints. When the doctor sees this, he goes up to the workers and says: "So now the shoddy work is being covered up with sand so no one can see it." A worker replies: "Yes, that's what our professions have in common!"
Karl walks across the construction site just after the end of the workday and notices a forgotten shovel with a chalk message written on it: "Please put the shovel away. I forgot. Fritz." The next morning Fritz finds the shovel in the same spot, but now it reads: "Couldn't put it away – couldn't find it. Karl."
The master painter and his apprentice are painting a facade, the apprentice up on the scaffolding and the master below. The apprentice is going wild with paint and brush, and the master is getting splattered with paint from above. At the end of the day the master says to the apprentice: "I look like a pig."
"Yes," says the apprentice, "and you're covered in paint too."
What do you do first when a bricklayer has fallen from the scaffolding? You take his hands out of his pockets so it looks like a workplace accident.
The master says to the apprentice: "Go next door and paint the windows white." Half an hour later the apprentice comes back: "Windows are done. Should I paint the frames too?"
What does a bricklayer say to an architect during his lunch break? "Fries with mayo, please!"
"Anyone who believes a site manager manages the site also believes that a lemon squeezer squeezes lemons."
The master carpenter sends his apprentice to nail. After a while he checks on him and sees that he's occasionally throwing a nail away. He asks him: Why are you throwing the nails away? The apprentice replies: The heads are at the wrong end! The boss says: You idiot, don't throw them away – maybe someday we'll need to nail upward!
Tile layer: We tile your basement and re-do your old lady.
Electricians always have a short in their pants, but plenty of juice in the line.
Still looking for more craftsman jokes, construction site quotes, or funny stories from everyday working life? Then stay tuned – this collection is regularly updated! Whether bricklayer, electrician, painter, or plumber: Here you're guaranteed to find the right joke for every occasion. Share the best gags with your friends or leave a comment with your favorite joke – it might soon be added to this collection!
Do you know any funny craftsman jokes that shouldn't be missing from this collection? Write a comment and post your joke...