On this page you will find a large collection of nasty sayings that you should normally avoid in everyday life. But revenge is sweet! So have fun with rude mobile phone sayings and mean SMS messages. Please only send them to someone who really deserves it!
No liability is accepted for risks and unwanted side effects...
Were your parents siblings?
It's not that I hate you. But let's say you were on fire and I had water.... I'd drink it!
Hopefully you'll get trampled by an ant!
I'm sorry, but I have neither the patience nor the crayons to explain it to you.
A: I have superpowers!
B: Oh really, which ones?!
A: I can look at you without puking!
There's hot sex, spicy sex, quick sex, cuddle sex, revenge sex, apology sex, safe sex, group sex, leather sex, phone sex and for people with your looks: no sex!
Did your parents never ask you to run away from home?
Hey you pain in the neck, has the weight marking of a 500-gram hammer ever oozed backwards out of your forehead?
From now on please speak into a bag and leave it at my door.
I didn't insult you. I described you.
Your horoscope for next week:
Money: The stars are smiling.
Career: The stars are smiling.
Health: The stars are smiling.
Sex: The stars are dying of laughter!
I didn't know you could stack crap that high!
There can never be enough thunderstorms for all the people who should be struck by lightning.
Every time I look at you, I ask myself: What was nature trying to tell us with this?
The ocean called and asked where you are!
You're so ugly, you could be a modern work of art!
I only have one request for you - the seventh letter of the alphabet.
Just laugh! Once you fall asleep, I'll get my felt-tip pens.
Even my physics homework isn't as wrong as you are.
What does your hairdresser do for a living?
You're also one of way too many.
Pass third grade before you talk to me!
Ever tried drinking beer from a distance?
Come back when you have less time!
You're dumber than a pig jumping high.
Do you know the difference between you and a volcano? The volcano is a hole in the ground!
You're as dumb as a chair: when you tip it over it stays down.
I'm going to stick an umbrella up your backside and open it!
Sorry, I wasn't listening. My thoughts were more interesting!
Go play with something toxic.
Count to 10, I need half an hour of peace and quiet.
Brush your teeth, there's a horse race tomorrow.
You're so hollow - you could stack right inside each other.
There's a bus coming in five minutes. You could get run over.
Don't you have a hairdresser you can talk nonsense to?
One more comment like that and your toothbrush will grab thin air tomorrow morning!
You look like you were no fun for your parents!
If I had your face I'd walk laughing into a circular saw!
What you lack in brains, you make up for in stupidity.
You're too dumb to open a banana!
When I see your face, my own backside starts looking good again!
Turn me on and I'll turn you off!
Just go home if you have no friends!
You have a face like a fire alarm.... punch it until it rings.
Here's 50 cents, go bore a parking meter with your nonsense!
Do your parents steal? You look so taken away!
Who picked you up when the doctor dropped you from laughing?
If stupidity made you shrink, you could go skydiving under the carpet!
Do you come in pretty too?
Your teeth are like stars, they come out every evening!
What do you as an uninvolved party actually think about the topic of intelligence?
When I think down to your level, I get a headache!
I have trouble remembering your name, can I just call you asshole?
Nice that you're there and not here!
You're one of a kind, at least that's what all of humanity hopes.
You're the reason the birth rate is declining!
There is no machine that can measure how little I care about you!
You must have eaten the soup of wisdom with a fork!
Tell me what you think of me, and I'll tell you where you can go!
You have a face like a dictionary: smack it open, smack it shut and keep smacking it!
The only positive thing in your life was the AIDS test!
Put your face on a stamp and the postal service goes bankrupt!
Keep talking until something interesting comes to mind!
If I looked like you, I'd report my mother!
If I were you, I'd rather be me!
What sugar is in beer, you are in my life!
You have a face like a sneaker - kick it and feel good!
If Kurt Cobain had known you, he would have shot himself all over again!
Beauty is only skin deep, ugliness goes right through!
You look how I feel!
Are you as bored as you bore me?
You're too dumb to pee a hole in the snow.
Have you been drinking out of the toilet again?
You look like a living advertisement for complete rigor mortis.
Even a shot to the face would still be an improvement for you.
Did you actually get the license plate of the truck that drove over your face?
Your birthday is in the history books right after Hiroshima and Chernobyl.
Look stupid for 5 euros! .... but not straight away for 1000!
You're so dumb, 10 of you could become stupider!
If you want to lose 3 kilos, just brush your teeth!
Hide, today is bulk waste collection!
If stupidity could ride a bike, you'd have to brake going uphill!
What is more liquid than water? You! Because you are superfluous!
You're like a cloud, when you disappear it could still turn into a beautiful day!
You brighten up every room by leaving it!
Knowledge is power! Not knowing is fine, but you know that best yourself.
Buy yourself concrete shoes and go for a swim...
When God was handing out intelligence you must have been on the toilet!
You were thrown up in the air 3 times after birth but only caught twice, right?
You're too dumb to pick strawberries, you'd fall off the ladder.
Go play on the motorway.
If stupidity made your neck grow, you could drink from the gutter!
Do you know how to make stupid children? Ask your father.
You are as unnecessary as a sandcastle in the Sahara
If your mother had been a bit cheaper back then, I'd be your father now!
Your face should be on a poster for contraception.
You're as erotic as a traffic accident!
You're as dumb as a dirt road!
Have you ever tried picking up your teeth with a broken finger.
I've had more interesting conversations with wool sweaters.
As a child your mother must have hung a pork chop around your neck just so the dog would play with you!
Do you know what happens when Niki Lauda dies?! Then you'll be the ugliest person in the world!
What did you look like before your accident?
Can't you do something more useful than talk my ear off? Like clean the gutter or shoot yourself?
Nice clothes, do they come in men's sizes too?
Quiet!!! Or did someone say open the trash can?
Your face is like the Tour de France! 14 days of kicking!!!
If you swallowed a fly, you'd have more brain in your belly than in your head!
You're as erotic as a bank counter!
Get on your broom and buzz off!
As a boy I peed on things that were smarter than you!
I'm fat, you're stupid. I can lose weight, what can you do?
And the moral of this story: I'm cool, you sadly are not!
If I were a little bird, I'd poop on your head right now!
Roses are blue. Violets are red. And you are an idiot.
Let me guess: 5th generation inbreeding, right?
The difference between you and me at the zoo? I pay admission, you get fed.
A day without you is like a year's vacation!
I'm not hard of hearing. I'm just ignoring you.
40,000 people die every day, why aren't you one of them?
Your face at the cellar stairs, and the potatoes would come up already peeled.
I'm trying to see things from your perspective. But unfortunately I can't stick my head far enough up my own backside.
Your mother should have swallowed you.
If my dog had your face, I'd shave his backside and teach him to walk backwards.
I always forget small things quickly.
Who were you again?
Go drop dead!
You were only born on a trial basis. Afterwards they cancelled the series!
You were probably the last one to climb down from the trees to learn to walk upright!
Are your parents chemists? You look like an experiment.
You have teeth like the stars in the sky, so yellow and so far apart.
If stupidity dissolved fat, you'd be the king of Villarriba!
I bet just the shadow of your backside weighs 200 pounds!
Oh dear, every water buffalo would be jealous of your backside.
If stupidity made a buzzing sound, there'd be an air raid siren going off around you all day.
When you ask if this seat is taken..
Yes, and when you sit down my seat will be free too!
A potato is smarter than you!
Sorry to interrupt, but I wasn't the least bit interested!
You have an IQ of 3. Pigs start grunting at 4!
You're just jealous because my invisible friend is so cool.
You laugh like a banana.
No answer from me means no interest in you!
"Idiot!" Thanks for introducing yourself.
Hey nice teeth. Do they come in white too?
With every day of my life, the number of people who can kiss my backside inevitably increases. You're now one of them too.
I can only be nice to one person per day, and today is unfortunately not your day!
You should be devolved and then aborted!
My backside and your face could become friends!
Your parents would have been better off going for a ten-minute walk!
Do you know how to get your brain down to the size of a pea? Inflate it.
Do you have any plans for Christmas? I'm still looking for a donkey for the nativity scene!
Where is the chain they used to drag you through the filth?
One more comment like that and you'll be sucking your food from a sippy cup.
Is your clown costume at the dry cleaners?
With a hole in the back of your head you could at least serve as a nesting box!
Do you know the difference between you and a can of dog food? Dog food comes with brains too.
Put your face in front of the cellar window and the rats will take a detour.
There must be too many nuclear power plants near you?
Tell it to your nurse!
If stupidity made you tall, you could lick the moon on your knees.
Seeing you right now reminds me to take out the trash.
Let's talk about wood. How is your head doing?
If you don't like me, then make a list. Write down everything about me that you don't like. Then fold the list up really small and stick it up your a*s!
Bread can go mouldy. What can you do?
Does your father have a full beard and glasses? No? ... Then it must have been your mother after all!
Shut your mouth when you're talking to me!
Stop rambling. Go die.
Go pick flowers, you fairy!
You're like a barn with a damaged roof: not quite all there.
You're like a schnitzel. Battered on top and bottom and breaded in stupidity.
You're so ugly that even Chuck Norris defeats the sight of you!
You're as bright as a tunnel.
You're number 78 in my Panini asshole sticker book.
Are nasty sayings and dark humor exactly your thing? Do you know any more nasty sayings? Feel free to write a short message.