That’s a question we might ask when someone calls us anonymously. But what if we had to ask it of ourselves—right in the middle of a conversation? When you speak—in a discussion, a presentation, or simply over coffee with a friend—who is actually speaking? Is it really you?
In daily communication—and especially in public situations—it often happens that we say things that don’t truly reflect who we are. We speak more cautiously than we think. We avoid taking clear positions. Or we say things we don’t deeply believe—just to fit in, avoid irritating others, or stay safe.
This phenomenon is widespread, even if we’re not always aware of it. Instead of speaking from our authentic self, other inner voices take over: the inner critic asking, “Can you really say that?”; the inner perfectionist warning, “Better phrase it differently—don’t embarrass yourself.” Or the strategist calculating, “If you say it like this, it’ll sound more competent.”
These voices all have their reasons—they are protection mechanisms we’ve developed over time. Often, they come from past experiences of rejection, criticism, or uncertainty.
They tend to appear when we’re exposed—during job interviews, public speaking, or emotional conversations. Our nervous system instantly senses: this is risky! And before we can consciously react, a part of us has already taken control. Then we might speak in a way that sounds professional—but doesn’t really sound like us.
“Being authentic” is a term that’s been overused. It can easily feel like yet another ideal we’re supposed to achieve: Always be yourself! Be real! Be clear! But authenticity isn’t a fixed concept—and it’s certainly not a permanent state we reach once and keep forever.
Authentic communication doesn’t mean blurting out everything without a filter. Nor does it mean being constantly open or vulnerable. Rather, it means being in touch with yourself while speaking.
That means:
You feel what you truly think, feel, or need—and allow it to show in your language.
You’re present in your body, not just in your head.
You’re not speaking from fear, but from connection—with your message, your listener, and yourself.
If you often ask yourself, “Is this really me speaking?”—that’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a clue that your authentic voice may be buried. Not destroyed. Not lost. But covered—by past experiences, fears, conditioning, or simply societal expectations.
Some of these patterns are quite concrete: A school presentation where you were laughed at. A home environment where being “too loud” or “too direct” wasn’t welcomed. Repeated feedback like, “You’re too emotional” or “You need to be more objective.”
Such experiences get encoded into our body language, tone, and expression—often unconsciously, but effectively.
Very often, it’s the inner child in us who’s most affected. That younger part of us experienced moments when it wasn’t safe to express itself freely. Maybe it was too wild, too quiet, too sensitive, too direct—or simply too much. To belong, it learned to adapt. When we suddenly react with nervousness, shyness, or over-compliance—even though we “know better”—it’s often this inner child speaking, with good intentions, but shaped by old coping strategies.
That’s why authentic communication also means: listening to your inner child. Giving it safety. And gently showing it that today, the rules have changed—that it’s allowed to be seen and heard without having to twist itself.
Would you like to try a small exercise to speak to your inner child—before you speak aloud?
If you want to speak with impact and confidence, surface-level tweaks aren’t enough—like phrasing, posture, or volume. These outer aspects matter, yes—but they only feel real when they’re grounded in an inner state of connection.
That’s why authentic presence often starts with a moment of inward reflection:
What do I really feel about this topic?
What am I holding back—and why?
Which inner voices speak up when I talk to others?
And: which part of me still isn’t allowed to speak?
These questions lead us to deeper layers of expression. They’re not always comfortable—but they’re essential if we want our voice to truly move others—and ourselves.
How can you strengthen this connection to your “true self” while speaking? There’s no one-size-fits-all, but here are a few proven paths:
Breath and body awareness:
Your body is the instrument of your voice. When you learn to center yourself before speaking—through a conscious breath or a grounding moment—it instantly changes your presence.
Reflecting on blocks:
Take regular time to notice what holds you back in expression. Often, the block isn’t in the situation itself—but in an old experience being triggered. Simply recognizing this can already be a relief.
Practice in safe spaces:
In groups or courses where appreciation and real feedback are offered, you can try new ways of expressing yourself—and discover what “being yourself” feels like in different roles and settings.
Self-compassion instead of self-optimization:
The journey to authentic communication isn’t a competition. It requires kindness toward yourself—especially when you feel unsure. Growth happens through safety, not pressure.
If you catch yourself saying things that don’t quite feel like you, take a moment to ask: “Who’s speaking right now?” Maybe it’s an old coping mechanism. Maybe it’s a version of you that was once necessary—but isn’t anymore.
Speaking powerfully doesn’t mean being loud or perfect. It means that what you say matches what you truly mean—and that your body, your voice, and your words are in harmony.
It’s worth looking at the old stories that dim your inner light. Because only when you’re connected to that core, does your expression become clear, your presence alive—and your message truly real.
© 2025 Birgit Schibilla
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