Children have a wonderfully honest way of explaining love, marriage, dating, men and women — and that is exactly why funny kids' quotes are so popular. In this collection, you will find hilarious children's sayings about relationships, wedding logic, first dates, kissing, single life and married life. For even more laughs, you may also enjoy our funny wedding sayings and marriage jokes, our funny jokes about men and our funny women jokes.
These funny kids' quotes about marriage show that children understand weddings in their own wonderfully chaotic way: a mix of love, snacks, rules and complete confusion.
When children explain how to choose a husband or wife, romance suddenly sounds very practical, very snack-based and extremely funny.
You have to find someone who likes the same things. If you like soccer, she has to like that you like soccer, and then bring the chips and the beer. Alain, 10 years old
You do not really decide whom you marry yourself. God decides that for you long in advance, and then you will see whom He has tied around your neck. Kirsten, 10 years old
You should marry someone who laughs at your jokes, even when your mom says they are not jokes. Leo, 8 years old
I would marry someone who lets me have the bigger half of the pizza, because that is real love. Emma, 7 years old
You marry the person who does not run away when you show them your rock collection. Noah, 9 years old
I think you choose a wife by asking if she likes dogs, pancakes and not yelling too much. Mila, 6 years old
You should marry somebody who knows where the remote control is, because grown-ups always lose it. Ben, 8 years old
First you check if they are nice. Then you check if they can make spaghetti. Then you are basically done. Sophie, 7 years old
You marry someone who still likes you after seeing your room. That is very serious proof. Jack, 9 years old
My dad says you marry your best friend, but my best friend eats glue, so I will wait. Olivia, 6 years old
You should marry the person who shares their fries without being asked twice. Liam, 10 years old
I think people get married when they are tired of going to restaurants alone. Ella, 8 years old
Funny children's sayings about the right age for marriage prove that kids can make wedding advice sound both wise and completely ridiculous.
The best age is 23, because then you have already known your husband for at least 10 years. Camille, 10 years old
There is no best age to get married. You have to be really silly to want to get married. Freddie, 6 years old
You should get married when you are old enough to buy your own ice cream and not ask your mom. Ava, 7 years old
I think 100 is a good age, because then nobody can boss you around for very long. Henry, 8 years old
The right age is after school is completely finished, including homework forever. Lucas, 9 years old
Maybe 30, because by then you should know how the washing machine works. Nora, 10 years old
You should not marry before you can reach the top shelf. Otherwise you still need help. Max, 6 years old
I would get married at 12, but only if the wedding cake is chocolate. Grace, 7 years old
My uncle is 35 and still not married, so maybe the right age is never if you have a motorcycle. Theo, 8 years old
You should marry when you stop thinking burping is the funniest thing. So maybe very late. Lily, 9 years old
The best age is when you can pay for a house, a car and all the candy. So probably 80. Finn, 8 years old
I think people get married when birthdays are no longer exciting enough. Hannah, 10 years old
Kids often observe their parents more carefully than adults think, which makes these funny children's quotes about moms, dads and family life especially entertaining.
When children describe what their parents share, the answers become a hilarious little family comedy about love, chores and secret teamwork.
They both do not want any more children. Aure, 8 years old
They both say they are right, but only one of them says it louder. Mason, 9 years old
They both know my full name, especially when I am in trouble. Ruby, 7 years old
They both love coffee more than mornings. Zoe, 8 years old
They both tell me not to shout, but they shout it from another room. Ethan, 9 years old
They both say the house is not a hotel, but I have never seen a hotel with this much laundry. Mia, 10 years old
They both pretend they are not tired, then fall asleep during movies. Oscar, 7 years old
They both know where my shoes are, even when I was sure I lost them forever. Chloe, 6 years old
They both say money does not grow on trees, but they keep buying plants. Isaac, 8 years old
They both think bedtime is important, mostly because they want the sofa. Ella, 7 years old
They both say they are not arguing, they are discussing. But discussing is very loud in our house. Samuel, 10 years old
Funny kids' quotes about dating turn romance into something between a job interview, a snack meeting and a mysterious grown-up ritual.
Children's ideas about first dates are full of funny relationship wisdom, awkward truths and unexpectedly sharp observations.
Dates are there to have fun, and people should use the opportunity to get to know each other better. Even boys have something interesting to say if you listen to them long enough. Linette, 8 years old
On the first date they tell each other interesting lies, and then they are ready to have a second date. Martin, 10 years old
They sit in a restaurant and pretend they are not hungry until dessert comes. Isabella, 9 years old
People on dates laugh too much because silence makes them scared. Oliver, 8 years old
They talk about movies, jobs and other boring things until somebody says, “Do you want fries?” Amelia, 7 years old
A date is when two people dress up nicely to spill sauce on themselves. Jacob, 10 years old
They ask questions like detectives, but with nicer shoes. Emily, 8 years old
They go to the movies so they do not have to talk for two hours. Daniel, 9 years old
People on dates try to be normal, and that is why they look strange. Harper, 7 years old
They drink tiny coffees and talk about big feelings. Aiden, 8 years old
On a date, the man opens the door because he wants everyone to see he remembered manners. Sophia, 9 years old
They say, “Tell me about yourself,” even though they could just ask the mom. Logan, 6 years old
These funny kids' answers about bad first dates prove that children already know dramatic exits, emotional recovery and comic exaggeration.
I would go home and pretend I was dead. Then I would call the newspapers and have them print an obituary. Craig, 9 years old
I would say I forgot to feed my goldfish, even though I do not have one. Stella, 8 years old
I would hide in the bathroom until my mom came to rescue me. Leo, 7 years old
I would tell them I have to go because my socks are uncomfortable. Grace, 9 years old
I would order the biggest dessert, because bad dates still need a happy ending. Maya, 10 years old
I would pretend my phone rang and say, “Yes, President, I am coming.” Noah, 8 years old
I would ask if we could restart the date like a video game. Felix, 7 years old
I would say my grandma needs me, because grandmas are always a believable emergency. Lily, 9 years old
I would go home and write a warning sign for future people. Benjamin, 8 years old
I would smile politely, then never wear those shoes again because they caused it. Ava, 10 years old
I would ask for a refund, even if nobody knows who should pay it. Ruby, 7 years old
From kissing rules to marriage advice, these funny children's sayings about men, women and relationships are perfect for anyone who enjoys innocent humor with a clever twist.
Funny kids' quotes about kissing show that romance, according to children, requires permission, timing and sometimes a surprisingly strict financial plan.
When they are rich men. Pamela, 7 years old
You can kiss someone if they do not have tomato sauce on their face. Oscar, 6 years old
Only after you ask, because otherwise it is basically stealing face space. Nora, 8 years old
When you are married, or when grandma insists on it at Christmas. Liam, 7 years old
You should kiss someone when your breath has passed inspection. Violet, 9 years old
It is okay if both people close their eyes and nobody laughs. Ethan, 8 years old
You can kiss if you like each other more than pizza, but that is rare. Mia, 7 years old
Only grown-ups should kiss, because children have better things to do. Henry, 6 years old
You may kiss someone when you are sure they are not your cousin. Ella, 9 years old
It is okay at weddings, because everyone is already crying anyway. Finn, 8 years old
You can kiss when the movie gets slow and nobody knows what else to do. Zoe, 10 years old
These funny kids' quotes about being single or married explain love with the fearless honesty only children can deliver.
For girls it is better to stay single. But boys need someone to clean. Anita, 9 years old
Single is better because you do not have to share your blanket. Leo, 7 years old
Married is better if the other person knows how to fix the Wi-Fi. Emma, 8 years old
I think single people are free, but married people always know where the scissors are. Max, 9 years old
Being married is good because somebody has to listen when you find a weird bump on your elbow. Sophie, 10 years old
Single is better until you need help carrying groceries. Noah, 8 years old
Married people have two opinions and one thermostat. Olivia, 9 years old
Single means you can eat cereal for dinner without a meeting. Jack, 7 years old
Married is better because you get more birthday presents from relatives you do not know. Lily, 6 years old
I would stay single because my stuffed animals already take up the whole bed. Ava, 8 years old
Marriage is probably better for people who like teamwork and arguing about curtains. Theo, 10 years old
Funny marriage advice from kids is simple, honest and often more memorable than any grown-up relationship guide.
You have to tell your wife that she is beautiful, even if she looks like a truck. Richard, 10 years old
You should say sorry before you know what happened, just to be safe. Chloe, 9 years old
A good marriage needs love, patience and two televisions. Mason, 8 years old
You must never eat the last cookie unless you want a meeting. Ella, 7 years old
Listen carefully when your wife talks, because there may be instructions hidden inside. Ben, 10 years old
You should hug often, especially after buying the wrong thing at the store. Ruby, 8 years old
A husband should remember anniversaries, birthdays and where he parked the car. Jacob, 9 years old
You need to share chores, except the gross ones should go to the bravest person. Hannah, 7 years old
Do not laugh when your wife says, “I am fine,” because that is not always fine. Lucas, 10 years old
Marriage works when both people agree the dog is the cutest family member. Amelia, 8 years old
You should let each other be right sometimes, even if only for exercise. Oliver, 9 years old
Funny kids' quotes about men, women, dating and marriage remind us that children often see adult life more clearly than adults do. Whether they are talking about wedding cake, first dates, kissing, parents or married life, their honest answers turn everyday relationships into pure comedy. If you enjoyed this collection, take a look at more funny texts and jokes, browse funny famous quotes and witty sayings, discover funny definitions and word meanings, or continue laughing with our funny questions of humankind.
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